DIGGLE 'A'...2
MOUNT.......0
GOALS - Mount right-back OG (Diggle) 60, Stone (Diggle) 80.
DIGGLE LINE-UP (4-4-2) - Gary Pemberton/ Danny Anchor, Stephen Chamberlain, Billy Marshall, Rob Brooks/ Gary Stott-Holt, Dave Walters, Kenny Simpson, Gareth Godard/ Craig Brown, Rhys Thomas. SUBS: Jason Stone (for Stott-Holt 50), Andrew McVeigh (for Godard 59), Paul Godard (for Thomas 70), Scott Longley (not used).
WHO could have guessed that weighty singer Alison Moyet would get a mention in this week's match report?
Not many, I'll bet, but she does thanks to one Diggle player's somewhat suspect taste in music.
In the changing rooms after Diggle's laboured 2-0 victory over bottom-of-the-table Mount, elderly goalkeeper Gary Pemberton inexplicably forgot to put his mobile phone on silent.
Inexplicably because Pemberton's ring-tone is Moyet's 1987 top-ten hit 'Weak in the Presence of Beauty'.
The shy-and-retiring Pemberton, who celebrated his 40th birthday the day before, called this reporter ageist before the game.
I am far from ageist - my parents are knocking on a bit, like Pemberton, but I get on fine with them. Anyway, given Pemberton's advancing years, I doubt he can work a computer and will probably never read this report.
Perhaps I am being harsh on Pemberton, who did of course keep a clean sheet against Mount.
And he graciously invited the Diggle team to join him and celebrate his birthday at a local curry house later that night. Oh wait, no he didn't. Hope you had a good night Gary.
But a career in rugby union beckons for the big man, because his knack of finding touch with his kicking was second-to-none on Saturday.
Only kidding, Pemmy.
To the game. Manager Howard Johnson said there wasn't enough football in last week's report, so my apologies.
Diggle went into this game far too confidently. They assumed they would just brush Mount aside without having to break sweat.
This despite Mount sneaking a 1-0 win at Churchill last season.
Don't get me wrong, Diggle had 80/90% of the game, but they just didn't click.
Frustrations crept in and one sensed that Mount might just steal it again.
Diggle's players had warned each other not to be complacent. But as the minutes wore on, and the goals failed to come, Diggle grew more and more agitated.
Johnson made a couple of changes from the previous week. Out went Wayne Broadbent and Adam Fitzgerald, in came Rob Brooks and Rhys Thomas.
Thomas, apparently, had a stinker. And his teammates let him know in no uncertain terms.
A naked Paul Godard was shampooing his eyebrows in the showers and said: "You were sh*t today Rhys."
Rotund frontman Craig Brown said Thomas was garbage, while assistant manager Alex Marsh said captain Stephen Chamberlain had urged him to haul the ineffective Thomas off midway through the second half.
Taking criticism from Chamberlain is hard. This is a man who goes out on the town in bright red shoes for christ's sake. He would make an ideal partner for Dorothy out of the Wizard of Oz.
Thank God then for William Marshall (Billy), who clearly has an astute football brain. He said Thomas had a decent game.
The early chances fell to crocked strikers Thomas and Brown. Brown had a couple of shots saved by the Mount 'keeper, who had a decent game.
Thomas saw a flicked volley go wide, before another shot hit the side netting.
Old Bastard Kenny Simpson, who was sporting a sexy black wet suit this week, saw a 35-yard piledriver clip the top of the bar, before Gary Stott-Holt's long-ranger whistled just over.
At the other end, birthday-boy Pemberton was free to think about what curry he was going to have that night.
Diggle should have taken the lead in the 40th minute from the penalty-spot. Fashion victim Gareth Godard was tripped in the box and referee Ben Pollard gave a penalty.
Godard dusted himself down and took the kick himself, but it clipped the outside of a post and went wide.
Half-time and Diggle were told to sort themselves out. But it was the same story in the second half.
That was until the introduction of substitute Andrew 'Paco' McVeigh. Paco's touch and patience brought more composure in the final third for Diggle.
And he played a big role in Diggle's first goal on the hour mark - a minute after he was brought on.
The ball broke to the unmarked Paco at the back post. His first-time shot had the corner flag ducking for cover, but luckily Mount's right-back got in the way and diverted the ball past his own 'keeper.
The relief Diggle felt was immense. But there was still a worry that Mount might sneak a goal.
Fortunately, the game was put to bed in the 80th minute when returning striker Jason Stone fired home.
This reporter didn't see the goal because he had been tricked into fetching two balls from the river by Johnson.
Big thanks to the middle-aged gentleman who took time out from his leisurely afternoon stroll to climb down the bank and fish the balls out.
Diggle admitted afterwards that they had been poor, but were happy to get the three points in the bag.
They will hope to put the negative aspects of their performance right this Saturday, when they face Mount again.
Parts of last week's match report are said to have upset first-team assistant boss Mark Smith.
The proud Yorkshireman and Leeds United fan was allegedly upset about references made to Yorkshire and woolly animals.
Smith was apparently so angry that he sped home in his combine harvester and took it out on his poor pet sheep by giving it a reet good kicking.
His anger was further fuelled when he realised that, in his moment of fury, he had forgotten to set the video for Emmerdale.
MAN-OF-THE-MATCH - Danny Anchor.
